Christmas Poem: A Visit from the Yule Goat

A Visit from the Yule Goat is a Mediochre-themed Christmas poem written by Calum P. Cameron (the P stands for Poet). It was published to the Mediochre Q. Seth Facebook Page on 24th December 2013, and later on the author's website: the Court of Ranternal Affairs (here). It emulates and is clearly based on the eighteenth-century poem, A Visit From St. Nicholas by Clement Clarke Moore.

Plot Synopsis
"'Twas the night before Christmas", and Mediochre and his pet mouse, Desra, are the only two characters awake on Christmas Eve. Mediochre plays Stille Nacht on the piano while Desra lies in the sawdust of her cage and listens. As he plays, the baubles on the Christmas tree start vibrating, and Mediochre stops playing to investigate the rumbling fireplace where he is met by a kindly-looking creature, dressed as Santa Claus. It holds out a blue egg as a gift, but Mediochre is sceptical, and quizzes the creature on who it is really, guessing that it might be a creature imitating a different species, like a changeling, a cuckoo or "that one kind of rat".

It's not until the Mediochre goes to phone the authorities that the creature reveals its true form: a goblin-goat arachnid with mottled fur, horns, hooves and an egg sac. It's a Yule Goat. It strikes Mediochre down with its non-Santa claws, knocking him out.

Mediochre returns to consciousness in his fireplace and spots the egg on the floor a little way off. He wonders whether the Yule Goat has left the egg behind, or whether it is still around somewhere, hidden using iconomancy. His eyes meet Desra's, but Mediochre as recognises that this isn't his mouse - the Yule Goat shimmers into focus, scoops up the egg and makes a run for it towards the fireplace. Mediochre trips it up, gloating that he knows his own pet better than the Yule Goat does.

The Mantically Inclined Police Force are called in to arrest the Yule Goat, and Mediochre suspects that there are dozens more homes where the Yule Goat has left its eggs. Before the MIPF can stop him, Mediochre has dashed away, to do some house breaking.

Trivia

 * The poem is based on A Visit from St. Nicholas by Clement Clarke Moore. The original opens "Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse", while A Visit from the Yule Goat's opening lines are "Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, only two creatures stirred of which one was a mouse."